file under: creepy

Virgil II, the alligator, is gone.  Instead I was bombarded with this…thing:

It’s a soft-shell turtle and disgusting to watch.  Doesn’t it look like a mini Loch Ness with a shell?  There are two of them, one male and one female.  We all know what that means.  Soon there will be little mini-mini Loch Nessies with shells.  Yes…nightmares commence!

But the wibblies weren’t finished with me yet ’cause look at what I came across on the banana pepper plant, all blending in with the leaves so it could give me a hilarious little heart attack (yes, I squealed when I saw it – who wouldn’t?):

Polly inquires, “How big is that bug?  Is it cute like me?”

I replied, “It’s all black and red and yellow, so STAY AWAY!!! I can’t afford another animal attack and/or vet bill. You get yourself mangled, you better self-medicate.  The Jack Daniels is behind the microwave. You’ve got extra digits so you can open the bottle yourself.  Just don’t tell the kid.”

The Loch Ness Turtle is a beauty compared to the grasshopper.  Though I’m still waiting on a picture of a critter than ran into my co-worker’s kitchen a few years ago.  She said something about it looking like a huge rat with webbed feet, like swamp rat but musky smelling like a muskrat.  It got into her cabinets and started playing with the pots and pans like he was in Emmett Otter’s Jug Band, banging around and scaring the beejesus out of her. 

She broke her lease 5 days later, leaving all of her Haverty’s furniture behind.

These are just a few things you should be aware of when you make your way down to the wilds of Florida, all Disney-bound with your young children.  If you are heading even further south, keep in mind there are python/boa hybrid snakes that attempt to devour whole alligators and monitor lizards that have been known to attack small dogs.  

I’m just sayin’…


About Dena

I'm a suburban Clevelander by way of Oklahoma City, by way of North Florida, by way of Southern Maryland, by way of Upper Michigan, by way of Northern Italy, by way of Lower Michigan, by way of Texas. Because of living in so many places, I have something in common with almost everyone I meet. I love reading, writing, and American history (especially reading or writing about American history). I'm interested in culture of place, historical trauma, and writing about the kinds of histories most people don't know about.
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One Response to file under: creepy

  1. Aunt Debby says:

    too funny! Yes, it is an adventure living in Florida! Makes me feel like one of the pioneer women! But after living here so long, I now see the beauty and wonder in it too.

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