‘Tis the season in North Florida

Okay, so I live in the South.  Things are done a little differently around here.

Okay, so I live in Jacksonville.  Things are done a little differently around here.

Okay, so I live in Oceanway.  Things are definitely done a little differently around here.

Elle noticed it first.  Something, though she wasn’t quite sure what, was a little off.  We were headed to the grocery store this morning and she noticed it.  I mean, it.

Elle: Oh my gosh, Mom!  Look!

Me: Um, what is it?  Is that a….? OH MY GOD!  Are you serious?  Oh, jeez.

Upon closer inspection we noticed that not only was it mounted on the telephone pole, but it was also mounted…before it was mounted on the telephone pole.

There are two times in my entire Florida residency when I wished my car carried Maryland state license plates so that I would not be associated with the redneckery of North Florida.  One time was while I drove behind a massive Dodge pickup truck carrying a dual gun rack that was so daintily making its way across a pansy set of railroad tracks (If you wanna drive a truck to make you feel like a man, then DRIVE LIKE A MAN, for cryin’ out loud!).  The second time was today.

My neighborhood’s HOA crew just finished installing our decorative monster-size styrofoam snowflakes to our street lights.  I’m 99.9% sure they had nothing to do with this decoration, though I find it a bit odd that Bambi’s mom wasn’t up that pole yesterday.  At least, I don’t think she was.

So, is it Donner? Blitzen?  Dopey? Sneezy? (I was never good at remembering the reindeers’ names).  I only know for certain that it isn’t Rudolph.  And that it’s dead.  Very, very dead. 

Season’s Greeting from Oceanway!


About Dena

I'm a suburban Clevelander by way of Oklahoma City, by way of North Florida, by way of Southern Maryland, by way of Upper Michigan, by way of Northern Italy, by way of Lower Michigan, by way of Texas. Because of living in so many places, I have something in common with almost everyone I meet. I love reading, writing, and American history (especially reading or writing about American history). I'm interested in culture of place, historical trauma, and writing about the kinds of histories most people don't know about.
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