Today was one of the most beautiful winter days we’ve had in a long, long time. I had no plans to do much besides eat more of my incredibly scrumptious chocolate cheesecake and watch Anthony Bourdain’s No Reservations, because I think he’s hot for a graying, gangly, gooberish kind of guy. After a few hours of watching Tony gobble down weird slimy things from Thailand and roasted opossums from the island of St. Vincent, I decided I needed to go outside, with Jack and the kid, and get some fresh air.
Then Elle suggested, “Hey, let’s rake leaves!” and I, being all drunk on sunshine and having lost my mind the minute the temperature reached 75 degrees, said, “Yes, that sounds like a FINE idea!”
Except it wasn’t. After raking for a good 30 minutes or so, my back started throbbing and spiders had already started jumping on me. At one point, I had to run away from some bees. Not to mention, I was in shorts and flip flops – not exactly outdoorsy wear. But we’d started it and we had to finish it.
It wasn’t long before I was throwing the rake and mumbling obscenities, especially after Elle declared she was worn out and ditched me after collecting only one bag. What a punk.
Meanwhile, the dog was doing his own thing, clambering around the roots of a tree and digging a hole halfway to the Earth’s core. Jack is a dachshund and he’s genetically programmed to dig holes and squeeze his little body into them…like a mole, but with more of a recreational purpose.
There was nothing in the hole. There never is. It’s just a big pile of dirt and leaves…
Oh, so many leaves!!
My back is still throbbing and my eyes are watering, probably from stirring up all the dirt and dust and angry ants. Yes, very angry ants. But I accomplished something today. Even if the yard is so large and covered in leaves that it looks like I did absolutely nothing, my body tells a different story.
A story that ends with … and I made the kid come back outside and help me!!! Yeah, right. Are you nuts? Like I was going to do it all by myself? Pttthh…