I cannot wait for summer. Spring isn’t an official season here as it really only lasts for about 6 days. North Florida is notorious for jumping from a hard freeze to an 80-degree thaw, immediately followed by temps in the low- to mid-90s with humidity nearing 100%.
Bring it on, please. The odd sensation that I’ve stepped outside of my house and into the suffocating heat of the oven is welcomed by me. It’s a sure guarantee that I won’t be cold. All that thick Yooper blood that once pumped through my hypothermia-resistant veins has run thin and left me clutching my grandma sweaters and hoodies. Winter sucks, even in Florida.
Most of the country probably doesn’t give a rat’s patoot about my issues with this wintery weather. It was in the mid-70s this afternoon though the ever-present cloud cover made it feel like a chilly 60, brrr! Shut up. This is Florida. This is the place all of you poor souls buried in 18 inches of snow wish you could be right now. But you’re snowed in and the cancelled flights just keep adding up.
I’m so sorry. No, really. I am. I would totally share this wonderful weather with you if I could. Sadly, it won’t be sticking around. By midweek, Jacksonville will drop back down into the 40s with torrential rains. ‘Cause that’s the kind of cheery crap I like to see after a 70-degree teaser. It’s like the kick in the head after inhaling too much warmth and sunshine on a three-day bender. This freakin’ sucks.
Hmmm…do I detect a bit of seasonal mood disorder? I BELIEVE SO. It could be more frustrating in a way to be teetering on the scales of a springtime balance, the way our days fluctuate from a 30-degree sunrise and to a midafternoon peak in the 70s. At least in Boston, you know it’s cold. There is no hope for you, in Boston. Or in Milwaukee. Or in Washington, DC. Cold is cold. Abandon all hope. ALL OF IT. GIVE IT UP. Seriously. Because you guys got screwed this winter.
But here, in the subtropical climate, we sit on the edge of our seats waiting to see what Mother Nature will throw at us next. Will it be cold or will it be hot? Do I need to scrape ice from my windshield or turn on the A/C for the morning commute? Will it rain or will the other half of State Road 301 catch on fire again because of this neverending drought? We never flippin’ know!! And you can’t trust the meteorologist because he’s a surfer and he’s always sunburned because every day with waves is a beautiful day!! Shut up, Tim Deegan. Just shut up.
Yes, I do believe I’m suffering from a slight case of seasonal mood disorder, not to be confused with my regular-season mood disorder. They’re pretty much one and the same except that I have a more legitimate case for my moodiness during the cold, gray winter months.
I might just need a straight shot of Vitamin D or maybe I could just roll around in a big vat of cod liver oil, which is supposedly rich in Vitamin D. However, I’d much prefer the old fashioned way: good ol’ sunshine. Whew…I need some.