Recipe: shortbread cookies and a death fruit juice glaze

My family received a fairly large bag of “key limes” a few days ago by way of a random stranger hanging them on our front door. I prefer to use the quotations around the words key and limes because I’m still not entirely convinced that this is, in fact, what these little fruits really are.  Regardless, my reckless inner domestic goddess decided I should put them to good use and bake something tasty with those citrusy delights, so I found a recipe online for key lime shortbread cookies (notice I did not use the quotations around that mention of key limes because the recipe does insist you use real ones, not just some kind of fruit you found magically hanging on your front door’s knob…they’re very specific about the key limes).

Except when I cut into one of the “key limes”, this is what I saw…

Now, just because I live in Florida doesn’t mean I know anything about key limes.  I’ve honestly never seen one in my life, unless it was presented to me in some kind of delectable pie form.

After inspecting the innards of this fruit with my eyes and inhaling a little bit of its scent, I determined it was some kind of tiny orange.  I even did a Google search with the words “tiny fruit smells like orange”.  After that led me nowhere, I licked it. After that, I recoiled immediately from the bitter taste in my mouth and remembered that your taste buds recognize bitterness as a sign of poison or some kind of harmful thing you shouldn’t ingest.

Aaaah, too late.

So I sent a picture to Matt and we had a short discussion about key limes versus “key limes”. We both searched A Cook’s Thesaurus for citrus descriptions, after which I still wasn’t convinced that I actually had key limes in my possession but Matt decided to clue me in on a tiny orange-like fruit that can cause a severe case of vomiting and possible death if eaten.

I crossed my fingers that I hadn’t just licked a deadly tiny orange and scolded Matt (ever so gently, of course) for adding “deadly tiny oranges” onto my mental list I like to call “RIDICULOUS STUFF YOU SHOULDN’T WORRY ABOUT BUT YOU WILL ANYWAY EVEN THOUGH IT’S IRRATIONAL BECAUSE…REALLY, WHAT ARE THE CHANCES SO JUST SHADDUP ALREADY????” 

It’s a loooooong list.

Obviously, I had to scrap the freshly squeezed death fruit juice and cut it from the recipe. Then I spent the next 20 minutes looking around my kitchen for something to use in its place.  Squash? NO.  Banana? NO. Whatever that veggie-looking green thing is? NO! 

We are seriously lacking in fruits and vegetables here in my house, always have been.  Surprisingly, none of us has rickets.  Hooray!

I remembered (as did Matt – he gets credit, too) that I’d recently bought some concentrated key lime juice to make a key lime pie not too long ago.  Thank goodness it was still in the refrigerator and not expired.  Death Fruit – be gone! We now have key lime juice!


This is what saved the cookies and prevented me from having to use the juice of the death fruit. Or the squash or the banana.  Or the veggie-looking green thing. Remember, RUNNING LOW ON FRUITS AND VEGGIES.  But the cookies turned out to be absolutely delicious.  The shortbread tastes like shortbread (gasp!) and it melts in your mouth (gasp!) and the key lime glaze.- it’s to die for! Get it? To die for? HA.

Not literally, though.  I am happy to report I am experiencing absolutely no side effects from licking the death fruit and I think it’s okay that I did squeeze a little teensy weensy bit of death fruit juice into the cookie dough because I want to be authentic and whatnot when I tell people, “Yes, it’s made with real freshly squeezed fruit juice!” 

What kind of fruit juice? Eh, I dunno…

Anyway, here are the cookies.  Remember, they are delicious and totally not deadly!

I guess I could’ve fancied up this cookie photo by actually setting it up all nice on a serving plate, but I didn’t think that far ahead about posting it.  Did you even notice my paper plate/cutting board in the first picture?  Psssh, I’m so classy.
Also, in my freezer is a package of cookies eagerly awaiting his return to Florida. 

About Dena

I'm a sNew Hampshirite by way of suburban Cleveland, by way of Oklahoma City, by way of North Florida, by way of Southern Maryland, by way of Upper Michigan, by way of Northern Italy, by way of Lower Michigan, by way of Texas. Because of living in so many places, I have something in common with almost everyone I meet. I love reading, writing, and American history (especially reading or writing about American history). I'm interested in culture of home and place, historical trauma, and writing about the kinds of histories most people don't know about.
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One Response to Recipe: shortbread cookies and a death fruit juice glaze

  1. ~Matt says:

    If you happen to have delayed side effects from said death orange…at least there will be frozen evidence in the freezer. Unless I eats them first…

    Great post! (as usual)

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