This morning, I took an assessment to rate my skills on Excel (good), Word (good), Powerpoint (good), Macintosh (it was the first time I’d ever touched a Mac in my life), letter writing (good), and was asked to distribute $30,000 to five different academic labs based on a tutor making $7.67 per hour and the science lab needs a tutor 35% of the time and the foreign language lab needs a tutor 20% of the time and AHMAHGAHD I HATE NUMBERS CANIGOHOMENOW?
More importantly, $30K is alot of money to set aside for a student tutor so why am I applying for this library position which clearly isn’t gonna pay me that much. Can I just be a student tutor? And $7.67 cannot legally equal $30,000 in an annual salary. That’s alot of overtime. Thankfully, I was not asked to calculate that amount and could move on with my life.
After my befuddled brain became unstunned (gah, numbers!), I went to the grocery store and immediately ran into my neighbor (whom I like very much and really do enjoy talking to). We chuckled and gossipped and hahaha-ed until she told me her little girl was home with the stomach flu. SWEET JAYSUS, don’t you people know how freakishly phobic I am about that stuff??? So I told Kim to go to aisle 5 while I shopped in aisle 3 and she could just yell over to me anything she needed to say, because I would then be protected from the germs by an entire two rows of shelving. (Okay. I didn’t really do that, but I wanted to. Conversation between the two of us did come to a screeching halt, though.) Time to go home to my bubble where it’s safe.
As I stood in line at the register with all 8 (eight!!!!) items, the woman in front of me started acting kind of squirrely. Once the cashier announced her total, the Squirrel pulled out a wad of coupons and went through them one by muthatruckin’ one, holding up not just me but another woman behind me with three (very well-behaved) (thank God!!!) small children and an overflowing cart of groceries, all of which had already been laid out on the conveyor. And they’d already taken my basket so I couldn’t easily cart my goods off to another register. Alas, I was trapped.
After spending nearly 5 minutes watching the Squirrel save over $106 on her groceries (which included 20 bajillion bags of Eight O’Clock brand coffee – that should’ve been my first clue about the Squirrel), I thought back on that Michael Douglas movie “Falling Down” and had awful thoughts about taking the Squirrel out to the back alley behind Publix and teaching her a lesson in being considerate of others (no, there is no irony here – move along). For the record, I HATE EXTREME COUPONERS!!!!!!!!
Bright Spot of the Day: While ordering a turkey and cheese sub from the deli, I debated whether or not to buy a package of cheese. I’m only going to be here for 3 more days – and gone for 10 or 11 days after that – and I wasn’t sure if I bought it that it wouldn’t just sit in my fridge and go bad. Then I heard a woman tell the deli employee, “Oh, sir! I ordered a half-pound of cheddar and you gave me a half-pound of white american.” (gasp) FATE!!!!! IT HAD INTERVENED. I offered to take the half-pound of white american cheese home and decided not a scrap of that nearly-orphaned cheese would be wasted. An opportunity like that doesn’t just fall into your lap everyday.
Carpe diem. And the cheese.