Carpe diem…and the cheese!

This morning, I took an assessment to rate my skills on Excel (good), Word (good), Powerpoint (good), Macintosh (it was the first time I’d ever touched a Mac in my life), letter writing (good), and was asked to distribute $30,000 to five different academic labs based on a tutor making $7.67 per hour and the science lab needs a tutor 35% of the time and the foreign language lab needs a tutor 20% of the time and AHMAHGAHD I HATE NUMBERS CANIGOHOMENOW?

More importantly, $30K is alot of money to set aside for a student tutor so why am I applying for this library position which clearly isn’t gonna pay me that much.  Can I just be a student tutor? And $7.67 cannot legally equal $30,000 in an annual salary.  That’s alot of overtime.  Thankfully, I was not asked to calculate that amount and could move on with my life.

After my befuddled brain became unstunned (gah, numbers!), I went to the grocery store and immediately ran into my neighbor (whom I like very much and really do enjoy talking to). We chuckled and gossipped and hahaha-ed until she told me her little girl was home with the stomach flu.  SWEET JAYSUS, don’t you people know how freakishly phobic I am about that stuff???  So I told Kim to go to aisle 5 while I shopped in aisle 3 and she could just yell over to me anything she needed to say, because I would then be protected from the germs by an entire two rows of shelving. (Okay. I didn’t really do that, but I wanted to. Conversation between the two of us did come to a screeching halt, though.) Time to go home to my bubble where it’s safe.

As I stood in line at the register with all 8 (eight!!!!) items, the woman in front of me started acting kind of squirrely. Once the cashier announced her total, the Squirrel pulled out a wad of coupons and went through them one by muthatruckin’ one, holding up not just me but another woman behind me with three (very well-behaved) (thank God!!!) small children and an overflowing cart of groceries, all of which had already been laid out on the conveyor. And they’d already taken my basket so I couldn’t easily cart my goods off to another register. Alas, I was trapped. 

After spending nearly 5 minutes watching the Squirrel save over $106 on her groceries (which included 20 bajillion bags of Eight O’Clock brand coffee – that should’ve been my first clue about the Squirrel),  I thought back on that Michael Douglas movie “Falling Down” and had awful thoughts about taking the Squirrel out to the back alley behind Publix and teaching her a lesson in being considerate of others (no, there is no irony here – move along).  For the record, I HATE EXTREME COUPONERS!!!!!!!! 

Bright Spot of the Day: While ordering a turkey and cheese sub from the deli, I debated whether or not to buy a package of cheese.  I’m only going to be here for 3 more days – and gone for 10 or 11 days after that – and I wasn’t sure if I bought it that it wouldn’t just sit in my fridge and go bad.  Then I heard a woman tell the deli employee, “Oh, sir! I ordered a half-pound of cheddar and you gave me a half-pound of white american.”  (gasp) FATE!!!!! IT HAD INTERVENED.  I offered to take the half-pound of white american cheese home and decided not a scrap of that nearly-orphaned cheese would be wasted. An opportunity like that doesn’t just fall into your lap everyday.

Carpe diem.  And the cheese.


About Dena

I'm a suburban Clevelander by way of Oklahoma City, by way of North Florida, by way of Southern Maryland, by way of Upper Michigan, by way of Northern Italy, by way of Lower Michigan, by way of Texas. Because of living in so many places, I have something in common with almost everyone I meet. I love reading, writing, and American history (especially reading or writing about American history). I'm interested in culture of place, historical trauma, and writing about the kinds of histories most people don't know about.
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